Friday, November 7, 2014

Just Spill The Beans, Hank...


  Ok. So I got a little carried away about Kendra & Hank in this blog-- I'm apologizing in advance for the length of my blurb about them (I guess that's where an editor would come in handy, right?)... but I guess it's because I've experienced a lot of what Kendra's going through, in terms of trying to get the truth out of a man who is paralyzed by his own indiscretions. Ugh! I think it's so long, because it was cathartic for me to write about it! Anyway- I hope I've made the rest of the blog fun & breezy! LOL Thanks for taking the time to read me! 


Favorite Controversy:  Kendra & Hank

 
   I absolutely sympathize with Kendra.  Not that I know what she's going through, as far as the other person being a Transvestite-- I believe that's a whole new can of worms, to begin with... but I absolutely know what it's like to want to believe the best about your man, when adversity strikes, but you're man is not providing you with any stability.  A woman in love wants to believe the best, but it's hard to commit yourself to that when the odds (and evidence) are stacked. I don't get what Hank's been doing (as far as the tv show goes...). Every episode he just cries and hangs his head, in shame, and yet still denies the accusations. It's sending a mixed message, and I feel Kendra has been more than patient w/him.  It's aggravating. I've been there.  You do love the man, but at the same time, he's not giving you answers when you ask for them.  Guilty or not, this type of behavior implicates you in scandal.  What I don't get is the audacity that Hank (or in my case, my ex) to almost blame us for not "trusting" in them, when they're being so sketchy.  The show shows Kendra going off on Hank a few times, but this is what happens when you're not forthcoming w/information.  Mark my words, your woman will implode if you do not cough up the information when she has the courtesy to first ask you patiently & calmly... And if Kendra is anything like I am, she didn't immediately blow up at him.  She gave him a chance after chance to enlighten her on the situation-- notice, I didn't even say 'come clean', because it's still giving the benefit of the doubt, at this point... But it's the ignoring & side-stepping the questions that pisses us off the most. At this point, he's made a horrible situation worse.  He could end her suffering by just giving her answers.  If he didn't do it (like he keeps saying) why wouldn't he have filled her in, by now?  You can't plead innocence without helping to fill in the gaps.  It's absolutely ludicrous in a woman's mind!  I think the misconception between men & women, at this point, is that some men see it as "she's choosing to believe/defend them 'strangers' over me, her husband..." No- it's not that she's choosing her own heart over being hurt.  It's a slight shift that I don't think is easily translated.  You want anything to believe the "rumors" and "evidence" isn't true & can be explained away... It's not about you believing the outside party.  At that moment, it's self preservation for a woman.  It's, "I love you, but I don't want to get hurt, just tell me why people are saying this..."  That's all.  But somewhere the lines get crossed that it's no longer "Us against them" and you've turned your back on him.  It's such a delicate balance, sometimes, between protecting yourself & standing by another flawed human being-- especially when they're not providing insight and ESPECIALLY when they may have betrayed you.

    I think this is the true testament of how different men & women really are at times.  He's thinking, "If I tell her, I might lose her..." But, what he doesn't understand is that NOT telling her is a) causing more pain & doubt and making her trust him even less b) telling her would be hard, but she'd respect him more, and more than likely will be mad, but will at least try to work it out. Women have an incredible capacity to forgive huge grievances... I don't feel sexist in saying that most men do not have that same capacity. In my experiences & in those I've observed, a woman will have her heart broken repeatedly, and stick it out... but a man, as soon as he feels betrayed, heartbroken, or let down, will high-tail it to the hills and run. It's this "beating around the bush" crap that infuriates us & exasperates the situation further.  The betrayal hurts and wounds us... but what turns our blood icy hot & sets it to boil, is the hemming & hawing when confronted. The silence & lack of information is the killer! It's absolutely not fair for a woman to be bombarded with all kinds of information from outside sources and alleged "proof"-- for him to not say a word about it & act all guilty... then expect his woman to stick by him. It feels like men don't get that.  People put too much stock in "blind trust" and where does it get you 98% of the time? Usually looking like a straight up fool & getting played.

     In 2014, women are different.  We don't trust that every word a man says is gospel-- especially if there's contradictory evidence.  In 2014, we have ultimately suffered from a general lack of morals & chivalry-- so blind trust is not so smart, especially since through [so many medias] we've been enlightened on a lot of the misgivings between the [both] sexes.  I think the idea that anyone should implicitly trust anyone is flawed.  We are ALL capable of sins, period.  No one is perfect.  I think, throughout your life, you're constantly proving your loyalty to someone else... in a great relationship it's usually lax, because ultimately, you do trust them. It's not like they're constantly under scrutiny... but if you're called to the carpet (i.e. Tabloids & Ava Sabrina London Calling you out about sexual activity) then you need to step up and fight.  You can't sweep that under the rug if you're innocent. It's that simple.  This is when your integrity & character shines through... This is not like the other rumors & lies others may say about your relationship. A woman knows the difference between that and something where convincing evidence is being shown to her.  It's those petty things that she'll automatically stand up and say "Not my man!"  But when someone brings physical proof, it's different. A smart woman is not going to blindly trust their man, without explanation, when someone is shoving alleged physical proof in their face-- I'm sorry.  Hank is acting like a child who's been accused of stealing cookies... He's got crumbs on his shirt & chocolate around his mouth-- He says he didn't do it... So, she asks what happened...But instead of providing information, he just says he loves her...And she's supposed to just believe it... Please. I'm a hopeless romantic- but I'm also a realist, and there are just sometimes where love isn't enough.  Kendra shouldn't just be left to her own & other people's devices to fend for herself.  Hank has basically fed her to the wolves blindfolded and it's not right! Instead of being a man, he's cowering in a corner afraid to lose her... and the truth is, he might lose her, anyway.

   Sorry to go on so much about this, but I've been in her shoes, before. It sucks!  The truth hurts, sometimes, but what Hank is doing is pouring salt in the wound.  This slow and painful process of simply trying to find out "the truth", when all he has to do is tell you, is enraging!  All Kendra wants to do is to back her man-- to be honest. That's how I was... you want that solid statement from his lips.  But when you don't have "his side" of things and the other side is producing evidence after evidence, what are you supposed to think?  All he has to do is open his mouth & say something! If he didn't do it, tell the story, and I guarantee Kendra would back him wholeheartedly. THAT'S when she'd say, "Ok, Hank- I got you..."  Even if he did admit guilt to every accusation, if she's going to stick by him, she'd still back him, eventually.  But, not before she knows anything, though.  But all this crying and begging and expressing his love for her doesn't cut it. It's time to tell the truth, Hank... It's time to man up & let the chips fall where they may.  It's the funniest thing... So many men will put their women through all this rigamaro when she'd be satisfied just to have the truth upfront.  She may leave you, she may not... but at the end of the day, You hold her hostage & don't give her much of a choice when you withhold the truth, no matter how hard it is to swallow.  It's sad. It's almost like he's waiting to see what cards the other player (Ava London) is holding, before he makes a move... Instead of telling the truth, all this withholding eats us alive. Bottom line, a woman is almost always on guard for games... The more she loves you the less that guard is up.  It'll be all the way down, in fact... But that doesn't mean it's still not buried underground, waiting to shoot back up when some BS arises... There's a temporary guard that goes up if she's approached by someone outside your relationship/marriage about something-- Yellow Caution Tape, if you will... A man is usually not in as much hot water as he thinks at this point... It's the avoidance & unanswered questions when confronted that makes the situation unbearable.  That's when it's time for him to start worrying... The sad part is, when the situation is reversed, women aren't usually given that same chance & opportunity.  He gets out before he has a chance to find out the truth. Just come clean, Hank... Anything is able to be worked out, but withholding the truth is not going to get you there.


Favorite Video:  1989 Taylor Swift Mashup!

   I can't... I just can't...


Favorite Laugh:  Big Books


   I'm not sure if I wrote about this... But I love this! If anyone knows Sir Mixalot's one-hit wonder (Baby Got Back) and you love books, this is a win-win... I personally prefer this to Nikki Minaj's knockoff version, Anaconda

Favorite TV Show:  The Mindy Project


   I'm getting used to Danny & Mindy being together, and I'm so glad that they're moving passed this whole "lovey-dovey"stage they were going through.  It's funny, because after this week's episode, I am absolutely re-writing this portion of my blog.  It used to say that I'm "over them" as a couple; that the acquisition of them as a couple wasn't as exciting as the playful sexual tension & "chase" of each other... but I've changed my mind (as I have a right to do, lol) and have decided that I'm loving them more than I was! At one point it just seemed that they had lost the "friendship" & the playful bickering that was characteristic of them-- and I'm so glad they found a happy balance of being a couple, but still maintaining individual quirks & eccentricities.  I think that's part of what makes an exciting couple.  I get so bored with couples who "like all the same things", "do everything together", "have all the same opinions" and "have all the same interests"...  The funny thing is, it's usually the more dominant person whose traits are being adopted, and that seems to only work out if that person is super-narcissistic & the other has no personality of their own and is perpetually indecisive... So, I'm glad that, even though they're a couple, they still love the things they love and have their own opinions & interests. Together, they're hilarious! This past Tuesday's episode was absolutely rollicking!! And it was all about them trying to understand their differences. That's a real relationship, where both people are well-rounded & balanced.

Favorite New Product:  
The Greenair USB AromaDiffuser/Humidifier


   I found this on Amazon.com  & absolutely fell in love with it!  Any extra (external) tool I can use to perk me up in the mornings (coffee is tasty, my friends, but it doesn't work for me, lol) is a real treat.  I need about 6 cups of coffee for me to feel any kind of effects from it... and usually those effects have me feeling like I should be running with wild horses, lol... But apparently, a shot of peppermint mist does the trick!  This little product is so much fun! It comes with two spray speeds:  intermittent or constant mist... You fill it with water and add 5 drops of  your favorite essential oil or perfume. Then, for as long as there's water in the egg, you are misted by the healing & soothing properties of your favorite essential oils or perfumes.  They make great oils for: Calming, Soothing, relaxation, invigorating, stress relief, Sleep enhancement etc... In the winter, you'll be able to add Eucalyptus to help clear out your stuffy air passages. Trust me, I've needed probably all of these during this week! The great thing about this, is that it plugs into a USB port, so you can have it plugged into your computer, or even use a convertible wall charger if you want to just sit it in a room somewhere.  I've really enjoyed this personal punch of power in the mornings & in the afternoon, when you get that "2:30pm feeling"... Try it out! This one sells for about $23.00, but there are some that are much cheaper. I just know that this is a great quality, so I spent a little more.


Anyway- that's it for this week! Take Care & comment Below! 

XO,
  Tiffani


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