Everyone was aware of the emergence of the "Bromance"-- a term coined by Hollywood to describe a very close platonic friendship between too [usually straight] men. While running on the elliptical & reading a magazine, I was introduced to the term "Fauxmance". What is a "fauxmance?"? A fauxmance is a faux (fake) romance. In Hollywood, the fauxmance is used as a publicity stunt; often two actors will pretend to be romantincally involved for the sake of promoting a movie or tv show... Think the "Fauxmance between Kristin Cavallari & Justin-Bobby, on The Hills... No one believed that one, though... That was a failed fauxmance.
Upon this discovery, I couldn't help to think how many of, what we believe are romances are actually in fact, fauxmances-- it made me think about how some of us aren't even aware when we're in a fauxmance. The danger of this is, we aren't in Hollywood, these are our real lives, real hearts, real emotions; We have family & friends who get awkwardly dragged into the relationship, initially with good intention (usually). We meet a person, we play the game, we do the dance- and then somewhere along the line, someone gets completely blindsided upon the realization that they are in a fauxmance. I'm not talking about when people ignore or are blind to the signs. I can vouch for being truly & completely blindsided in my past. When just a few days prior to your "blindsidation", someone is making plans with you, talking about how much they "love" you-- then a few days later, they're in a "serious relationship" w/someone else??? Hmph. Fauxmance... So, I thought it might be helpful to jot down a few things to look for. I am not the expert by far, but maybe if we keep these things in the back of our minds, we'll be more likely to tell when something is a fauxmance instead of a romance...
YOU MIGHT BE IN A FAUXMANCE IF...
* The person's behavior towards you seems to change every few months... One minute they're hot... a few months later, they disappear or are distant towards you.
* There is a lot of drama around this person; they seem to always have someone else who wants to battle you over his/her affections.
* They change their mind (about important decisions) at the last minute, too frequently.
* They try to switch your words around during a discussion to fit their purpose, or act naive to your true intentions, after you've effectively explained them to him/her.
* Random women (or men) have "issues" with you on social networking sites & passive aggressively make remarks on pictures, comments, anything pertaining to you (i.e. Facebook, Myspace, etc) and you've never said or done anything to them.
* The person doesn't know how to handle peaceful confrontation & avoids answering specific questions, often by giving a "non-answer" or subtly changing the subject...
* They are frequently unavailable-- and always have an excuse for why you can't reach them, when [in the past] you've always been able to reach them.
* They don't follow through with plans or when you've hit a wall, they say something vague like, "We'll see what happens... or We'll figure it out..." All that means is that you'll have to have the same frustrating conversation again-- which will likely not happen if he/she has anything to do with it...Weak Communication.
* They make insinuating or overly flirtatious comments on other people's pages, without regard to your feelings- or their "Commitment" to you--that make you uncomfortable.
* They get mad at your lack of trust in them when they have not earned your trust (or earned it back).
I'm sure this is not an all inclusive list; And I'm aware that these 10 things, might be specific to my past experiences... But I do think that it's sad that people opt for being in Fauxmances, instead of being honest with each other. Why lead someone on? If you truly care about someone, it's a lot better for everyone if you come clean early on, then string them along until it blows up; It's unethical. It might be brutal or hard on you to end a relationship amicably, but it's much more honorable; and far more honorable than keeping someone as a back up, in case your prospects don't work out. And avoid the scum that use you to gain... Avoid those who are only with you because you can get them somewhere-- either monetarily, socially, or otherwise... There just needs to be more honesty. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it hurts more to be blindsided. It's unfair, really- because the whole time, the other person is aware of the true situation & has the advantange... While you spend your time living a fairy tale (or in some cases nightmare) lol. We're too old for that now, folks. Too old for the silent treatment & disappearing acts... Be a man/woman about things. The fact that fauxmances exist, is another depiction of how little we value each other as humans... sad case.