Friday, October 21, 2011

The Thing About Life Is...

   Every now& then, I get a little bit envious of those who seem to have everything they want, effortlessly.  The people who seem to have everything handed to them on a silver platter... Those whose lives seem like they're going exactly the way they always thought they'd go.  There are some people, that from birth, they seem to always come out on top.  They don't ever seem to struggle w/hard times.. They seem to have perfect relationships, perfect bodies, perfect walk w/God, perfect families, 'perfectly imperfect spouses', kids & career achievements...There seems to be nothing they lack;  I know that there's no such thing as "perfect" and that everyone has some problems, but collectively- there's just a group of people that seem like they relatively have it all together.  I don't use the word "jealous", b/c I don't have hateful feelings towards them-- but sometimes, I can't help to think why it seems I got their share of "issues" in my life, lol.  They never seem to have a bad day-- and even the times they think they do, it's more of an inconvenience, rather than something that's a real issue...

     I used to think I wanted to be like those people... And some days I do, but at the same time, my trials, issues, circumstances, etc is what builds character in me.  I may have had a lot going on, and it may seem like [at times] I end up in some bad situations, but I also have the best stories too... learn the biggest lessons... and can appreciate the things that I do have or have learned from.  I'm not going to lie-- there are still days where I wish my life was exactly the way I hoped it would be.  I wish that every day, I didn't struggle with certain issues.... and I wish that those around me, who I deem to have "perfect lives", could really understand some of the things I go through.

      I know that God has a reason for it-- even  if I don't know or understand, though.  So I have to learn as I go.  I also know that things could be considerably worse... And even though that doesn't negate the things I've been through, go through, and may still go through-- I do appreciate that it could be worse & it's not.  I do appreciate the ability I've been given to laugh through my pain; to be able to find the irony & humor in the drama that happens.  The thing about life is, if I didn't have these experiences-- I wouldn't fully know what it was to have compassion for others in certain circumstances.  I would only be able to be empathetic, when others were going through things;  People would probably feel about me, the way I feel about them [at times, at my worst moments], "What do they know about [such & such]... They don't even have a clue..."  But I'm thankful that I'm still breathing, still standing, and still able to bounce back.  God has made me so resilient...

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Introducing the "Fauxmance"...

     Everyone was aware of the emergence of the "Bromance"-- a term coined by Hollywood to describe a very close platonic friendship between too [usually straight] men.  While running on the elliptical & reading a magazine, I was introduced to the term "Fauxmance". What is a "fauxmance?"? A fauxmance is a faux (fake) romance.  In Hollywood, the fauxmance is used as a publicity stunt; often two actors will pretend to be romantincally involved for the sake of promoting a movie or tv show... Think the "Fauxmance between Kristin Cavallari & Justin-Bobby, on The Hills... No one believed that one, though... That was a failed fauxmance.

     Upon this discovery, I couldn't help to think how many of, what we believe are romances are actually in fact, fauxmances-- it made me think about how some of us aren't even aware when we're in a fauxmance.  The danger of this is, we aren't in Hollywood, these are our real lives, real hearts, real emotions; We have family & friends who get awkwardly dragged into the relationship,  initially with good intention (usually).   We meet a person, we play the game, we do the dance- and then somewhere along the line, someone gets completely blindsided upon the realization that they are in a fauxmance.  I'm not talking about when people ignore or are blind to the signs. I can vouch for being truly & completely blindsided in my past. When just a few days prior to your "blindsidation", someone is making plans with you, talking about how much they "love" you-- then a few days later, they're in a "serious relationship" w/someone else???  Hmph. Fauxmance... So, I thought it might be helpful to jot down a few things to look for. I am not the expert by far, but maybe if we keep these things in the back of our minds, we'll be more likely to tell when something is a  fauxmance instead of a romance...

YOU  MIGHT  BE IN A FAUXMANCE IF...

* The person's behavior towards you seems to change every few months... One minute they're hot... a few months later, they disappear or are distant towards you.

*  There is a lot of drama around this person; they seem to always have someone else who wants to battle you over his/her affections.

*  They change their mind (about important decisions) at the last minute, too frequently.

*  They try to switch your words around during a discussion to fit their purpose, or act naive to your true intentions, after you've effectively explained them to him/her.

*  Random women (or men) have "issues" with you on social networking sites & passive aggressively make remarks on pictures, comments, anything pertaining to you (i.e. Facebook, Myspace, etc) and you've never said or done anything to them.

*  The person doesn't know how to handle peaceful confrontation & avoids answering specific questions, often by giving a "non-answer" or subtly changing the subject...

*  They are frequently unavailable-- and always have an excuse for why you can't reach them, when [in the past] you've always been able to reach them.

*  They don't follow through with plans or when you've hit a wall, they say something vague like, "We'll see what happens... or We'll figure it out..." All that means is that you'll have to have the same frustrating conversation again-- which will likely not happen if he/she has anything to do with it...Weak Communication.

*  They make insinuating or overly flirtatious comments on other people's pages, without regard to your feelings- or their "Commitment" to you--that make you uncomfortable.

*  They get mad at your lack of trust in them when they have not earned your trust (or earned it back).

   I'm sure this is not an all inclusive list; And I'm aware that these 10 things, might be specific to my past experiences... But I do think that it's sad that people opt for being in Fauxmances, instead of being honest with each other.  Why lead someone on? If you truly care about someone, it's a lot better for everyone if you come clean early on, then string them along until it blows up; It's unethical.  It might be brutal or hard on you to end a relationship amicably, but it's much more honorable; and far more honorable than keeping someone as a back up, in case your prospects don't work out.  And avoid the scum that use you to gain... Avoid those who are only with you because you can get them somewhere-- either monetarily, socially, or otherwise... There just needs to be more honesty.  Sometimes the truth hurts, but it hurts more to be blindsided.  It's unfair, really- because the whole time, the other person is aware of the true situation & has the advantange... While you spend your time living a fairy tale (or in some cases nightmare) lol.  We're too old for that now, folks. Too old for the silent treatment & disappearing acts...  Be a man/woman about things.  The fact that fauxmances exist, is another depiction of how little we value each other as humans... sad case. 









Friday, October 14, 2011

Welcome to my Blog

     I've come back to my roots... Writing.  I have have not been enthused by the constant changing of Facebook & the limitations of Yahoo Updates.  So, for those of you who like to read my blogs, life events, stories & adventures-- here's the spot for you.  Feel free to interact with me on my blog... If not, then this is my space to do what I love to do; a cathartic practice that I've neglected for too long...

Loyalty Died, Right Along with Chilvary...

     One thing I've learned the last few months, is that loyalty is rare in 2011.  People are so quick to say they love you... They throw it around like a beach ball, filled with hot air.  It bounces from one person to the next without any weight or validity.  I don't know about you, but I have a problem w/the flightiness of the heart....

    I'm not purely talking about romantic love, although I've had my tests with loyalty with that as well; What has spurred me to write about how loyalty has died, is the lack of substance in people's friendships.  One thing I've noticed is that the terms "keeping it real" and "fake" are sooo overly used.  For one-- most people who complain about "fake" people are the ones who think that they, themselves, are more "real" than they really are; when in all actuality, their "real" isn't much more about Passive aggressiveness.  There's a craft in using your words wisely, honestly & effectively.    I think people have lost the definition of what "being fake" or "keeping it real" actually is...  and in essence have lost the meaning of what it means to be loyal & true friends.

     It's a misconception that "keeping it real" is some kind of attitude.  As if you can't "keep it real" without being angry or getting loud with someone; as if "keeping it real" can't happen if you're not saying that you're "keeping it real" or jerking your neck around from side to side.  People tend to reject when "keeping it real" is positive or sincere.  Recently, I had apologized for some wrong thinking & behavior, towards someone who I once considered a friend, just to realize that they still haven't moved passed the mistakes I made.  That hurt enough- but to see two others who were in the exact same boat with me, behaving the same way, now acting as if they're all best friends-- and as if they never said an ill word, made a snide remark, or a judgement about her. Hmm... How real is that? At least I was real enough to admit I did dirt, and real enough to admit that I would change. 

   I guess that's where the biggest problems lie, all the way around now... That people only seem to genuinely care about what you can do for them;  The minute you can't help them, all the sudden, they don't know you... It's on to the next... it's as if you never meant anything to them.  I wasn't raised to be flighty with my affections.  I wasn't taught to say things I don't mean.  It was ingrained in me that being wishy-washy was one of the most insecure & disloyal things to be; and that if you ever loved someone on any level, there are certain things you don't let happen to them, regardless of the status of your relationship (i.e. I Corinthians 13:4-8  "...love always protects...")  For me, it's not easily turned off... so it sucks when it seems that loyalty, consistency & authenticity seem to be ways of the past.  I long for the days when someone says, "I love you", and I know they truly mean it..."  I miss the days when friends could have a fight & the ability to make up without residual arguments and bitterness.  I want people's words to be genuine again, and their actions to follow suit...